Naked mole rat in paradise

I e-mailed my friend who lost her naked mole rat, and she sent me the last photo she ever took of him. It made me want to go to Thailand. More importantly, it rekindled my resolve.

I know I said I quit, but I lied. Many people who take pride in their research skills are a little appalled that they can't find one, me included. So here is my solemn vow: I will find this damn thing if it takes me the rest of the summer.

It's not even about the naked mole rat anymore, although I would love nothing more than to help my new friend out. No, baby, this is about pride.

If you just find me one, I will shut the fuck up about rubber naked mole rats always and forever, as soon as I devote a post to how intrepid and awesome you are.

That should be incentive enough, but if it's not, I have prepared this beautiful naked mole rat iron-on that I will affix to the cotton object of your choice. Just help me out here. Please. There are so many other stupid things in the world for me to fixate on, but I can't move on to them until this is resolved.

Hey, this has nothing to do with anything (not that anything here ever really does), but if you see the USPS commercial with Lance Armstrong in it, check out the building to the left side of the screen in the last three seconds. That's where I work. You can't see me, but I'm standing in one of those windows, watching the camera crew run around taking light readings and setting up heat lamps as Lance's testicle shrivels in the cold.

Comments

[choo]

i hate him. i want to hit his testicle with a hammer. the hammer will have spikes on the striking face. (i don't know what you call it. is there a word for that?)

also, let's go to thailand. i need to renew my passport too.

[receptionista]

i think it doesn't matter if lance's testicles shrink up, i'm pretty sure his funbags are just for show now. after the cancer, i think they put in silicone replacements.

[mary ellen fritsch]

Hello Joolie,

First, I'm totally stunned! This whole thing has mushroomed into a community event bringing together enormously talented and slightly touched folks bonded by NMRs and justified self pride ...we live in a miraculous age. Never in my wildest dreams.

Anyway, despite the frustrations, your sharing the search has turned into big fun. I would like to also offer a reward to whomever can reconnect me with my 'reincarnated' Garbanzo (although I do expect that he will resemble his last incarnation closely.) I am planning on creating another calendar featuring Garbanzo in Thailand. I will gratefully send one to you and whoever ends up locating our buddy. I also want to send you a copy of the Garbanzo in Italy calendar pictures (very limited edition). What state do you live in?

I would also encourage you to go to Thailand. Do it! You could teach there. I know a school in a great town that would hire you. Let me know if you want the inside scoop.

Peace,
Mary Ellen

[Joolie]

I have never been a huge Lance Armstrong fan, but I've felt a sort of kinship with him ever since I found out he hates Plano as much as I do.