Because I am a small person, I'm going to tell you a small story.
I made a woman cry in the grocery store today. Even though she was acting like a bitch, it wasn't very nice.
This skinny little woman accused me of cutting in front of her in line, which I hadn't; the checkstand is just in an awkward spot by the door and the line has to sort of stack up on itself so other people can shove their carts though.
I politely said that I hadn't; I had seen her walk up behind me.
She insisted that I had, and if I hadn't, she certainly didn't see me in line before.
I shugged and turned away. Then she asked in a cold, pissy little voice if she could go ahead of me anyway, because she only had two items (compared to my whopping five).
I was a little stunned. I mean, really, who acts like that? I said to go ahead if it was that goddamn important to her. A couple of people turned around to look at us at that point: Fight! Fight!
I started to feel like an asshole because deep down I knew I didn't really care if this crazy bitch got checked out before me. I wasn't in a hurry. I didn't have anything to prove by standing my ground. Actually it was to my advantage to let her go first, because she'd be out of my life forever that much sooner. Couldn't I just be gracious about it? No.
The line moved up and she screwed up her mouth and shook her head and said oh no, never mind, go ahead, I'm fine, the picture of martyrdom.
I thought, oh, my god, what a bitch, she's not going to get away with this. I said, oh, yes, please, be my guest, go right ahead, all fake magnanimity, feeling more and more like an asshole every second.
She planted her feet and gripped her cart as though she were afraid I'd violently wrench it from her and park it in front of me. She shook her head no.
Asshole me said that I didn't want to fight about it, so just GO.
She went. Then she turned around and her eyes welled up and she said she didn't want to fight either and she was sorry but her daughter was sick and her car had broken down earlier on the highway, and then she got kind of incoherent for a few sentences. Finally she apologized again and said she wasn't usually rude to people, she hoped I wouldn't think she was, she was just so tired and stressed out and wanted to get out of there and go home.
Oh, god. I was still coping with this residual desire to kick her in the teeth, and then she complicates my feelings with her miserable story. Suddenly I felt like the biggest asshole in the whole world, and I sort of wanted to cry too.
I said I was very sorry and I hoped she and her daughter felt better. She paid the cashier and sniffled and nodded and waved goodbye, and I stepped up and put my groceries on the counter. The cashier looked at me as though I were crazy. But I'm not, just petty sometimes.